I’m making my way towards a formal presentation for my intention of study – that’s probably the longest way round to say ‘Transfer’, but to say Transfer makes it real and since when have I done that. This means that, at the moment, my head is buried in a book more than normal; I’m not complaining, I’m loving it. Reading and preparing for the presentation means I am exploring journals, texts, articles, books, and artefacts that I don’t necessarily agree with which is conflicting but brilliant. The topic of the week is imposter syndrome.
A fairly superficial take on imposter syndrome, and it is a hotly contested topic with much more to it that what I can cover here, is the inability to internalise academic success (Clance & Imes, 1978). It’s the expectation that a person is going to be discovered as ‘less than’ or a ‘fake’ due to having achieved academic success by luck, chance, or fluke. The materials I’ve read so far have been alarming to say the least. One article suggested that 53% of those that report feeling a sense of imposter syndrome as part of their tertiary studies will go on to report significant mental health difficulties including, depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts (Sverdlik, A. et al. 2020). More scarily the 53% the study referred to had no prior experience of any mental health conditions. Yikes.
I won’t be spending too much longer on the topic of imposter syndrome and I am glad to be taking my thoughts somewhere else but before I do, I want to have a little stay over to fight back against that figure.
The studies that I’ve read seem to come to the same conclusion, the way to protect yourself from imposter syndrome is to be amongst other researchers, scholars, thinkers, friends. I wholeheartedly support that idea. I belong to lots of spaces that have grounded me and kept me going.
The JoyFE crowd have become so much more than online friends. They’re family. I know their work pressures and commitments, sure, but I also know the names of children, the worry for ageing parents, I share their fear and excitement in equal measures. It could be the writing room with Tracy, thinking with Elizabeth, phone calls with Lou, social media with Fey, book club with Chloe, Kathryn, Anne, Eve, Kayte, and Helen. We are mutually invested in each other.
The fellow PGRs are a small but mighty group of researchers that are equally vulnerable and powerful. Each of us biting back and only a message away from an online call or shared article and link. Sharing dystopian Netflix series and signposting each other towards the fairy-tale, I wouldn’t be without them.
The Bagladies have held spaces for me and let speak without saying anything. They’ve seen me ugly cry, made me ugly cry (with laughter), picked me up, pushed me forward, and not cared that I am often just a little bit too sweary. From being on a beach with kin to connecting to the other side of the world to go to sleep safely, the affirmative group of scholars have got one another and are actively cheering each other on.
More recently I have made more connections due to conferences and workshops that I can see will flourish into even more affirmative spaces and I am so excited by the possibilities, the what ifs that are coming out of the conversations that we are having. I have people. I am people to others. So I’m ok.
I thank God daily that He has placed me in these groups, and others, that mean I have opportunity to be brave but what if you don’t? The articles I have read have suggested finding support groups is the way to go to maintain a sense of security and sanity – if education hasn’t taken it away from you already. They suggest the antidote to the infection is for educational institutes to signpost and facilitate the spaces and places that allow for the organic growth of relationships. What they don’t suggest is an overhaul of the system that causes the illness.
I don’t have the answer to this, but I do have the question. If you’re in education as a student or practitioner, do you have your army yet? There is a stark reality waiting for you and it’s that you can’t do this on your own, you need your kin (Haraway, 2016) with you. It’s not weakness to say you need others to fight with you, it’s good strategy.
So, as you continue with your march; it’s time to ask, it’s you and what army?
Cope-Watson, G., & Betts, A. S. (2010). Confronting otherness: An e-conversation between doctoral students living with the Imposter Syndrome. Canadian Journal for New Scholars in Education/Revue canadienne des jeunes chercheures et chercheurs en éducation, 3(1).
Haraway, D (2016) Staying with the Trouble Duke University Press
Sverdlik, A., Hall, N. C., & McAlpine, L. (2020). PhD imposter syndrome: Exploring antecedents, consequences, and implications for doctoral well-being. International Journal of Doctoral Studies, 15, 737-758.
Hey, Teach 
After a long career, the only thing I regret is not having built this army along the way. Work always seemed so urgent and took so many hours. No time to share, to build something that was so much more important.
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